it's like an oven, a very very hot oven.

growing quite fond of using a real brush lately. not that i don't like my pen; it's really great for something quick and on-the-go. but, honestly, i'm hardly ever on-the-go, mostly just sitting at my drawing table so i can use whatever i want. the pen is portable, but i'm a "sitting in one place" kind of guy. which is why i abandoned using a brush in the first place; i was doing a lot of drawing in places other than my drawing table.

i don't even use fancy brushes. just a pack of them i picked for a couple bucks a few years ago. i noticed that when i start to buy fancy brushes, things happen to them. mysterious things. so if i fuck up the cheap brushes, no big deal. i can just throw them out and get new ones.

anyway, it had been a little while since i drew anything, so i just kind of busted out the brush and doodled this. seems to me like the word doodling has a negative connotation,  which is unfortunate, because i think it really applies to what i do. even the laborious doodling. i mean, i can say that about any drawing i've ever done. it really just comes down to being a doodle. i don't want to give people the false impression that i meticulously plan a drawing out (i hardly ever!), most of them just start with goofing around. just so you don't think i'm lazy, i don't mind planning things out, but since i basically draw for myself, it ends up just being rather immediate. even though that immediacy sometimes takes a few days to finish.

...and then came this thing which is, in a way, similar to something i had done earlier (i realized as i was doing it) but also my desire to occasionally incorporate color into my work but never really knowing a way to do it that satisfies me. this one is colored pencil and ink, using my limited selection of color pencils (oh, because i never use green...). i like using canvas, which i want to return to soon, but i also think that if i do it i have to do it BIG. like real big. but there space limitations here so...i don't know.

even as i look at this now, again it's similar (always, always) to other things i do, but really if you look at it it's not. it's really just another big doodle (see above). well, it's sort of a planned doodle in a way because i laid the color pencil down first, but when i started to ink it...it became a doodle.

i realize that i have a hard time composing things beforehand because sometimes it takes me a long time to draw something, and i have things i'm trying to push out onto the paper as fast as i can. but there are limitations and i am kind of stuck to how to get everything out of my head at once, so i end up just...doing these kind of things. i;m either going to reconcile this one day or just go completely fucking mad. or take a long nap.